Friday, September 20, 2013

Q&A with Bette!!!

 
 
Q&A with Bette!

 
Hi everyone, my name is Bette Lee Brandt, and I live next door to the love-life challenged Hope Jones.  She’s my best friend and just adorable… but she has no idea what to do with a man when she gets hold of one.

Take for example Jake Troy, the hunky mechanic that revived that old rat-trap of a car of hers, and revived her non-existent love life—and sex life.  Romantic, sex-on-a-stick, and always trying to feed her (and truthfully, she is a little on the bony side.)

But once she got him, what did she do?

The adorable idiot sent a nearly naked photo of him—while they were in flagrante delicto—in to her boss as a trashy romance eBook cover… all to save her job, and without asking for Jake’s permission first.

Personally, I think the photo made a fabulous book cover.  I also think Hope could have used her feminine whiles a little better; if she’d put a bit more effort into smoothing the whole thing over, then Jake would have probably not only stuck around but would be strutting his yummy self around town like the hot stud he really is.

I mean, what guy wouldn’t love to have thousands of e-reader owning women swooning over their photograph?

Example number two of Hope’s tragic incompetence with men: Raphael Morales, Hope’s new, smoking hot, tattooed, smart and filthy rich next door neighbor.  I mean, the man is muy caliente!

She meets him for the first time while he’s shirtless—the muscles, that beautifully tan flesh… did I mention the tattoos!

What does Hope do?  Instead of hiking up what little cleavage she has, instead of flirting or even batting her eyelashes at the man, she threatens to castrate him with a shot gun.

So what if he wanted to cut down that old eyesore of a tree of hers with a chainsaw!  She could at least have tried a little seduction on him.  He’s hot, he’s tall and has shoulders as wide as the day is long…

Ah… where was I?

<Hi Bette.>

Who’s that?

<Oh, I’m Alice.  I’m the author of the Hope Trilogy.>

Oh, Alice Clayton?  I love your books!

<Ummm… no, she wrote Wallbanger and the Redhead series.>

Alice Hoffman?  I’m a fan from way back, ever since Oprah put one of your books on her book club list—if you ask me, that was the only book she’s recommended that was worth reading.

<No, Bette.  I write the Hope Trilogy novellas, and I was—>

So what kind of books do you write?

<I was trying to tell you that I write about you and Hope Jones, and Jake and Darla and Raphael.>

Silence.

What?

<I write—>

So you’re spying on us?  And writing stories based on our lives?!?!

<No, no.  I’m not spying on anyone.  I just write—>

Because it’s illegal to spy on people… well, kind of illegal.  Not that I would…

<Bette, you have surveillance equipment aimed at every neighbor that’s house is within line of site of yours.>    

Aha!  So you are spying on us!

<Bette.>

Not that I judge.  No, no… I’d never judge anyone because they happened to have a harmless little hobby.

<Bette, can I ask you a couple questions?>

Questions?  Ummm, sure.

<Great!>

Just, no questions about my age.

<Sure.>

Or my weight.

<Okay…>

Or any of my sizes… unless it’s my bra size.

<That’s creepy>

What?

<Oh, nothing.  So about those questions.  Here’s the first one.>

Shoot.

<What do you think Hope’s best characteristic is?>

Well, she’s just the sweetest thing.  She’s a great friend, and so loyal… that is unless you take into account that whole Jake photograph thing… then I guess she’s a little all over the map when it comes to men.  But love always makes you do the whacky.

<Do you think she’ll ever find the right man and settle down?>

Sure, sure… she’s cute, and from the way men are falling at her feet lately, I guess that hot mess thing is a real turn on.

<What do you think of Jake Troy?>

That man is just delicious.  Those eyes, that thick wavy hair, and that tight, muscular body.  Who wouldn’t want to climb into bed with him and take a nibble… or a bite?

<How about Raphael Morales?>

Two men couldn’t be more unalike.  But, damn… he is the finest of fine.  The shiny black hair, those dark, piercing eyes… and did I mention his tattoos?

<Yes, you have.  But what are the two men in Hope’s life really like?>

Oh, well… Jake’s a loner.  Very private, but one of those great guys you just click with the instant you meet him.

<And Raphael?>

Raff?  Well, it’s not like I’m spying on him or anything—

<No line of sight?>

Yes, little miss smarty pants, I don’t have a line of sight on him, so the usual tools at my disposal won’t be of any help.  Luckily for me he’s outgoing and is used to having his entire family traipsing in and out of his house all the time.  I’ve been able to glean that he’s generous, a perfect gentleman—when he’s not trying to chop down your trees, and he’s a tease.

<A tease?>

Well, yes.  I’ve flirted nonstop with him since the moment I met him and he hasn’t shown me the least bit of amorous attention.

<I hear he and Hope might be becoming an item.>

I thought so too.  I mean, she didn’t seem interested in anyone else… not even the aforementioned yummy and delicious Jake.  But then I got a sniff of what went on on her porch last night and… well, let’s just say, all bets are off!

<So what team are you on?>

I hope you mean what baseball team I cheer for, because I only tried that L Word stuff out that one time right after divorce number one!

<Uh, no, really… I meant whether you’re for Team Jake or Team Raphael?>

For me?

<Well, no.  I was thinking more about who you want to see Hope end up with?>

More silence.

<Bette?>

So in this story you said you were writing… who’s the main character?

<Ummmm…>

Because Hope’s cute and all, and a total train wreck and all… but you do realize I have real star potential.

<Oh, I can totally see that.>

Wait a minute… didn’t you say the stories were called the Hope Trilogy?

<Well, would you look at that.  I’m totally running late for an appointment across town.>

Really?

<It’s been great talking to you, and I hope we can get together sometime for lunch or something.  I know this great Gyro place.>

Yeah, yeah, yeah… I get the picture.  But I’m telling you, if you don’t write a story all about me after you’re through writing this Hope Trilogy, I’m so going to track you down.

Gulp.

<Oh sure… sure I can write a novella about you.>

I already know what the title should be.  Bette’s Turn.

<So what would it be about?>

Well, about my amazing, totally exciting love life, of course.

<Of course.>

And I think I might have a few surprises up my sleeve—or in my d├ęcolletage—that your readers will just love!

<Yes, I think you’re right.  So I’d like to thank Bette Lee Brandt for letting us all know her unique perspective on what’s going on, and I’d like to thank all of you for stopping by to hear it.>

<Bette?>

What she said, but with a bunch of XX’s and OO’s!